Today is the 8th day of my experiment of being more zen-like and I have to admit I have most definitely fallen off the band wagon in the last couple days. In regards to eating, I have to say though I have stayed strong. Although I have indulged my coffee addiction once I have not eaten any meat and am extremely proud of keeping up my vegetarian regiment. I think in February I will work on cutting back on my sugar intake, although right now I am still enjoying the post Christmas goodies that are in my cupboard from home.
Where I have stumbled then is in the positive aspect. It has been a struggle. I got sick on Thursday, congested, coughing basically wanting to stay in bed. Which I have done since Thursday. But when you are sick I find it becomes so easy to fall into old habit and just try to comfort yourself that you forget about other goals and other ambitions. So I am still in bed right now, but I am looking on the bright side and blogging to keep myself focused.
There has also been a fair amount of drama in my life in the past couple days. I am at the point where it seems that I bring the drama to myself. I know it would be better for me to ignore things and let things roll of my back but lately I have been getting really worked up over little things.
Anxiety: the zen life's enemy
I have a really bad case of anxiety when it comes to so many things in my life. That is a main reason I started this project, I thought bring in the zen, get rid of the anxiety. I am starting to discover that this is not as easy as it sounds. I may be meditating and reading and eating the good life but inside my mind is still a jumble of every little anxiety. Anxiety about whether I am going to do well in classes, anxiety over keeping my house clean, anxiety over roommates and situations with roommates that are hard to handle. Needless to say I feel a lot of anxiety and I find it really hard to handle sometimes.
So I tend to retreat in times of high stress. I tend to fall ill (because my body doesn't handle high levels of stress well) and then retreat into my room and act as a hermit away from my friends while I try to figure things out. But the more I retreat, the more I get sick the more I miss and the more anxiety builds.
So I am starting to handle situations differently and that is going to be the biggest hurdle it overcome in this coming year. Instead of stewing I am facing things head on. I did that today for the first time, I approached a friend about something that had been on my mind. OK so I wasn't as forward as I should have been and I wasn't as clear as I should have been, but BABY steps people baby steps.
On a side note I have started listening to some new music and it is all very zen like.
Today's recommendations from one zen lifer to another: Mumford and Sons album "Sigh No More." An often array of different songs, lots of acoustic guitar and beautiful harmonies. Light a candle, close your eyes and pop it in. I promise it will help anxiety melt away.
Good luck on the journey and be in touch soon.
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